With the undeniable disaster that was Choose-What-Matthew-Will-Write-About Fridays, Prinsiana City has now changed it's Friday agenda to instead include Omnibus Fridays, where Matthew writes about all those random things that he wasn't able to fit into a post earlier during the week. It shall be a cerebral decontamination.
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At work on Wednesday, someone unintentionally mispronounced "satisfaction" as sah-TIF-fuh-KAY-shon. That was funny.
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I now have an organizer. I need one, because I am not a very organized person. This is a good thing, I think.
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I don't think I've seen or talked to anyone from the class of 1995 in Ames High School since Ed and Beth-Annie's wedding two years ago. Huh. I wonder what's up with Andrew, Farhang, Lisa, Liza, Elizabeth, Suzy, Jen, Chris, or you know, heck, Barrett, Ola, Katie, and Buffy.
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Or have I? Have I seen Sarah since then, or not? I can't think of when I would have, but I think I have, you know?
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Also, on a similar subject, did any of you know that I was kinda friends1 with a guy in elementary school who is now in prison for murder? Yep. We didn't have anything in common except being more-or-less outcasts -- me because I was the smartest kid in my grade at North by at least two bushels, him because he was, uh, kinda weird -- so in either fourth or fifth grade we got along relatively well; not well enough to, say, have invited him over to my house for a sleepover, or to invite him to my house at all, but pretty well, yeah.
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You know what word2 I can’t pronounce? Anachronistic. I want to say it like AH-na-kro-NIS-tic, when it’s actually ah-NAK-ro-NIS-tic. I hate that.
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Kim and I are doing something cool for Labor Day weekend. I’ll tell you what on Monday.
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Most thought-provoking line in Tridanielson: Alpha, which I got a couple weeks ago: “Nourishment will come from the Many-Breasted One.”
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Most thought-provoking line from Steve Taylor’s career: “I’m off about 100 degrees.” Seriously. I’ve spent way too many minutes thinking about that line within the context of the song, because he’s not saying that he’s off 180 degrees; he’s saying that he’s mostly wrong but yet that there’s truth in the stated heretical position.
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Most thought-provoking line from The Choir’s career: “I’d rather be forgiven than enlightened.”
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Most thought-provoking line from dcTalk’s career: “I saw a man with tat on his big fat belly; it wiggled around like marmalade jelly.” (No, not really, but I don’t know what it would be.)
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One of the, like, 153 most thought-provoking lines from Mark Heard’s career: “We got tapes of the truth in drag.”
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“This is, this is Greer.” I don’t know why I just thought of that. Man, I need to get out some dcTalk.
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Uh, bye.
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1 Except in obvious cases, I hate drawing the friend/acquaintance line, let me tell you. I don't know why, but I find it oft times difficult to differentiate between a weak friend and a close acquaintance3. Like, okay, for example, I'm pretty confident that everyone on the left side of my AHS thing above was my friend at one point or another in high school, and there are a few other people that would fall into that category, too. But then there's probably more than twice that number of people who, I don't know, who probably considered me a friend, and I didn't have any problem with them, per se, but I don't know, it's just so hard for me to judge4. I can't figure if (a) I draw a tough line or (b) I just don't get as close to others as, uh, others do. Probably some of both, I suppose. I am a freak that way.
2 Yeah right, Matthew, like there’s just that one.
3 By the way, you -- yes, you who are reading this now -- you are not my friend and never will be. You are merely an acquaintance. Sorry.
4 For example, and this could be interesting, even though I had a crush5 on Kimberly months before we started going out, I wouldn't have really considered us friends, per se, until maybe the week before explicit romantic overtones were made. On the other hand, I would suspect that Kim would have considered us friends before that, because it wasn't as though we weren't acquaintances for a good long time before and close acquaintances more-or-less since the beginning of that school year. But I don't know. Hmm. What was it, Kim?
5 I should mention for the completion of the record that after my 10th grade crush, there was no real crush in my life until Kim; the 10th grade crush went until the middle of 11th grade, and then I started dating Elizabeth, and then Suzy and Shelly after that, and in the interim there was never anyone else that I really had a serious thing for. (To clarify, I didn't really have a serious thing for any of the above three prior to going out with them; Kim is the only girl I've had a crush on that I've ever dated.)6
6 There is something sick when the footnotes are as long as the post.
I have *sniff sniff* never been *sniff sniff* so happy! *sniff sniff* (Well, almost never.)
Just over six years ago, when I had a (breathtaking, admired, better-than-this) website running my beloved musician Steve Taylor for President, I one day, out of the blue, got an e-mail from Mr. Taylor himself, who said that he had never traversed to the website but had heard from his friends that it was quite cool. I was very, very pleased. Very. It was, like, the third or fourth best e-mail I've ever had in my life. (The best ever was from Kim Wentzlaff on Monday, October 28, 1996, but I digress.)
Last week, I sent an e-mail to the webmaster at the official Danielson Famile website because when I tried to order some products online, it wasn't working correctly and then I looked at the code for the website and figured out what was wrong and I wrote in the e-mail to the webmaster what the problem was and how to fix it.
This morning, I saw in my inbox an e-mail from Daniel Smith: Brother Danielson himself. Here is the e-mail:
Thankyou and all fixed my friend. Let me know if you need
anything at all
you have helped greatly.
L,D
Brother...Brother Danielson is my friend! And I can ask him for anything at all! I...um...geez..uh...I...I'm sorry, I just need to…just a smidgen of time to take this all in.
In, out. In, out. In, out.
Of course, the obvious question now is, "What shall I request from my new, best friend?" A couple thoughts:
• A Danielson Famile t-shirt.
• A(nother) Danielson Famile concert in Virginia, since I stupidly missed the last one.
• No, a Danielson Famile concert in my *house*!1 • A digital video camera (preferably the Canon XL1S).
• More wishes.
Wow! This friendship is going to be fantastic!
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1 I actually have been to a concert at a person's house, now that I mention it. Back in '98, when I was interning at the Lyric Opera of Kansas City, this guy in the 'burbs brought the Vigilantes of Love (who I'd seen twice before with crowds of a couple hundred in St. Louis) to his (nice, big) living room for a 25-audience-member concert which, by the fact that it was in a guy’s living room, makes it one of the coolest concerts to which I've ever been. It also led to my lamest ever quasi-celebrity exchange: I was walking up the driveway to this house, and Bill Mallonee (lead vocalist, guitarist, songwriter for VoL) was bringing equipment out of his van.
Bill: So, it looks like you're in the right place.
Me: [Pause.] Yep.
Not more than a couple weeks ago, someone -- Ed, I think, or maybe Beth-Annie or moM -- was complaining that I didn't give the answer to Prinsiana Quiz questions. So I will now be giving the answers to the questions of the quiz that was last week's.
1) All that databases that worked had file names that were DOS-compatible: [8-letters-or-less].[3-letters-or-less], no spaces or special characters, etc. Apparently, Windows 2000 has a different long-file-name algorithm than does Windows 98.
2) Dale (solved by Beth-Annie) and Dwayne, correctly pronounced the same way it was in "A Different World."
3) Got me.
4) "Have I Perpetrated Another Accident?" apparently.
5) Vice President of Membership Marketing and Communications (solved jointly by Mom, Kim, and Beth-Annie).
How nice am I to give you a chance to get ten more Prinsiana Points? That is the question I am asking you. That question is not worth any points, alas; however, these next twenty questions are each worth a half a point. (Two-part questions are worth a quarter-point for each half.) Nineteen-and-a-half of these questions can be answered from information somewhere within Prinsiana City.
1) What is Lisa G.'s last name? 2) Who did Matthew try make a bet with regarding who could write the most words in a certain time period? And did he or she accept? 3) What is the title of the first book of poetry by an associate professor at a small Midwestern community college? 4) Who is better in "Law & Order": Jesse Martin or Ben Bratt? 5) What were Matthew's fake names for (a) Saving Private Ryan and (b) The English Patient? 6) What is Matthew's fake social security number? 7) What is Matthew's fake password? 8) In what denomination should all gay ministers be required to be in a active sexual relationship? 9) What were Matthew's most recent two jobs, according to his defunct AOL profile? 10) What is the second job of Michael Joncas, composer of "On Eagles' Wings"? 11) Who created a sexy new page that she'd love for Matthew to check out? 12) What is Devon's last name? 13) What is Matthew's Myers-Briggs type? 14) What job would B.F. Johnson give Charles Nelson Reilly? 15) What kind of limit do introverts have? 16) Is the heroine in The Princess Diaries cuter pre- or post-makeover? 17) Finish the following bad pun by moM, regarding Matthew getting a very short haircut: "If you don't like it at first, it'll __________." 18) Is Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers singular or plural? 19) What is Kimberly's middle name? 20) Who were Matthew's (a) 8th-grade and (b) 10th-grade crushes?
Questions will be crossed off as they are correctly answered.
Of course I don't save the best writing for my journal.
Dearies, I am slightly sad to say that I have been writing things in the comment sections of other people's journals that are more interesting than what I am writing here. So I am now going to steal those words and stick them in this journal, because I am too lazy to write something better for the township of Prinsiana.
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Von was bored with the word "stupid," so I gave her twelve synonyms:
All synapse, no neuron.
Asinine.
Cretinish.
Fartworthy.
Hebetudinous.
Imbecilic.
Impudentless.
Nincompoopable.
Pauly-Shore-esque.
Smallety.
Snail-witted.
Weird-but-bad-weird-not-that-good-kind-of-weird-trust-me.
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After someone claimed that Pablo was writing too formally, I said he wasn't writing formally enough and rewrote this post by Pablo:
"I have spent the past few days playing the original mario bros. games. It has been quite entertaining and competitive. I have yet to be beaten by my brother. I'm a beast..."
as this:
"I am depleted -- a vacant soul -- from my recent fortnight sojourn scrutinizing the escapades of two wayward plumbers; it no doubt has been an engaging and spirited occasion, and I am jovial that my sibling has not the aptitude to prevail o’er me. I, dear ones, am a ogre. "
1 If my boss had a Hispanic middle name that started with the same letter as his real middle name, his full name could match that of a famous, lame, simplistic poet. Who is that poet? [1¼ points]
2 There are four computers in the back area of my office that all have names that begin with the letter A. I named them all. Two are women's names, one is a men's name, and one is a, um, I would say neither. What are those computers' names? [½ point for each]
3 On the side of my old business cards, there are nine acronyms (er, eight initalisms and one acronym, but whatever). Name those initalisms and acronym! [¼ point per initalism/acronym]
4 How many pieces of 8½ x 11 paper do I have on the walls of my office (which would include, say, pieces behind other pieces), and how many pieces of smaller-than-8½-x-11 pieces of paper do I have on the walls of my office (which would include, say, Post-Its). [1½ points for each; two-piece margin of error]
5 The bottled water that I bring to work each day used to be from Canada. Now it is from a U.S. state (east of the Mississippi, south of the Mason-Dixon) that would not really be thought of as a lovely drinking-water state. What state is it? [1½ points]
Assuming Ed can get the ASP or Perl working on the "server" -- we're all praying for you, dude -- I've pretty much decided what I'm going to do regarding the aesthetic treatment of my comments. If you go down to underneath the ISU football post, you'll see "3 commentaires merveilleux" in red. Click on it, and if you're lucky, the comments will expand down the page. How lovely, yes?
And then there are two choices for how to write a comment that I need to decide between:
a) Have a link that would make a new window pop up with a place to type comments.
b) Have a little form that would expand along with the comments.
I think I'm leaning toward (b), but we shall see.
I promise I will write a post sometime today, or tomorrow, or soonish, that will have nothing to do with the comment situation. (By the way, the old, French comments do [temporarily] seem to be working, so feel free to use 'em.)
Vigilant readers may notice that the comments seem to be working again, with a little "comments []" thing appearing at the bottom of my posts. That is barefaced trickery on my part, as there are still no comments, but I am trying something out, and this will help me know when it is working correctly, i.e. whenever Ed puts the files on the server that need to be on the server and figures out how it should all work. (However, if you perchance see a "vous commentez," that means you can comment there.)
Vigilant readers may also notice that I am talking about little other than my lack of comments. That is because I miss my comments. I cried over this last night. I really did.1 My life is nothing without this virtual and implicit reassuring from peers and family members! Nothing!
1 Yeah right. I don't think so. That is some more trickery by me in my opinion. Made you look, or something.
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, 4.
Nothing gets minds in motion like absent comments.
Yes, Edward and Bethany and I are no looking to ditch Enetation's commenting system, not just because of the nonexistent comments right now, but also because it's been slow slow slowing down our pages to annoy annoy annoying degrees. After Ed makes some changes to the server, we’re gonna try to couple potential commenting programs to see if, hopefully, we can get one of them to work. Yay us. (And as long as Enetation doesn't go under or such, I will move all the old comments over to the new area, 'kay? 'Kay.)
Please do not forget about my question of comments in new window v. comments underneath posts on main page.
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Yes, my fandom is fairweatherly.
I had the post already written in my mind near the end of the first half: How grateful I was that Richmond's Damon's was not showing ISU v. FSU on any of its four lovely screens, how happy that I was receiving the information regarding 'Clones drubbing via an ESPN scroller, how fortunate I was that I could go home at around halftime and not have to make a decision on whether to stay at the restaurant and watch the second half (which would no doubt be worse than the first).
Stupid Richmond Damons. Stupid Iowa State in the first half. Stupid last play.
lovely comment by mom: Yeah, that would be good not having to go somewhere else to read the messages (and I have to read the messages. It's kinda like me not being able to let a phone ring without answering it.)
I like the new look, Matthew.
Oh, I ran into Mr. Troeger today at the drug store. He remembers the two of you fondly, but we couldn't figure out how he knows you, Matthew, since he taught 9th grade science. But it was he who brought up your name, so I know he wasn't just blowing me off. He is retired now and wanted me to say hi and that he missed all (most of) his students. This is for you , too, Josh.
The new car is a really pretty blue.
lovely comment by devon: I think it would be easier for all of us (including you) if you put the comments directly under the post. That way you wouldn't have to set up another page and we wouldn't have to load one. Yeah.
In case my opinion matters, and I doubt it does, I don't like the new appearance of the web site. But, "[The changes] won't, of course, but whatever. Do you truly believe I care about you, the reader? Of course not. This is just to make me happy. And I am. Yay for me. " =) Yay for you.
lovely comment by matthew: I knew Mr. Troeger, but I'm not sure how he knew me. Huh. And we need to talk about that car.
And what Devon, pray tell, do you not like about the lovely, colorful, perfect appearance of my web site? Not liking the redesign of my website is as inexplicable as not liking the Danielson Famile, and we know everyone loves the Danielsons!
Let us say that Prinsiana City has two different choices for a commenting system. Let us say that one of them is like the old system: There's a "write a lovely comment" or "two lovely comments" and then you click and a new window opens that has the comments and also a place for you to write those comments. And let us say there is another choice for a method: A method where the comments appear directly below the post, probably in a different color and a smaller font and maybe indented so yeah looking more or less like my fake comment after this post will look. Your job: Tell me which way you would prefer.
lovely comment by matthew prins: how cool is all of this, eh? how cool.
Fortunately, I have been told that the comments will be working again shortly, as long as you consider the middle of freakin' next week to be shortly, which I don't, so arrgghh! So if you have a comment, e-mail me and I'll stick it below the message. It's a pain, yes, and I know that none of you will e-mail me, because it's so much harder that way, you know, but whatever. We'll give it a whirl.
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Comment from thelma dawn esprit: Wow. So that's a stupid idea, Matthew.
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Comment from Matthew: You know what? I have an idea, if I can run some CGI on Josh's "server." Hmm. I can, can't I, dude?
So I'm trying to make this journal a little more aesthetically pleasing. I've always considered it a bit challenging to read -- the small sans-serif font, the difficult-to-see breaks between posts -- so I'm hope that the drop caps and new, cool headlines make Prinsiana City a more fun place to visit.
They won't, of course, but whatever. Do you truly believe I care about you, the reader? Of course not. This is just to make me happy. And I am. Yay for me.
Prinsiana City has now had two people tell us they don't know who Charles Nelson Reilly is. How can you not know who Charles Nelson Reilly is?!? Do you have no respect for the institution of acting? Do you...well, I'll just let "Inside the Actors Studio" tell (thanks Ed):
"On the 13th of January, Nineteen Hundred and Thirty One, right here in New York City, magic happened. An artist was born that would rival Leonardo Da Vinci or Michelangelo. But his tools would not be pen nor brush, nor chisel nor palette; his tools would be his comically oversized glasses and his soul."
Anyway, I'm not much for camp and kitsch, but Reilly by some means transcends camp in a way that, say, Tammie Faye or Bruce Vilanch never could. Don't know why.
Oh, yeah, if the page has been looking funky recently, sorry. I'm playing.
Quote of the week: From an article about Bill Clinton's potential new talk show: ''He's got to do [a] serious [show]. Who's going to want to see Clinton interviewing Charles Nelson Reilly?''
Uh, that'd be me! That would rock! I seriously would pay $10 to see Clinton interview Charles Nelson. Seriously.
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Point opportunity. Two points to the best explaination on why I believe Charles Nelson Reilly is so very cool.
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Reviewlet. A couple hundred words on P.T. Anderson's first film here. (Complete with footnotes!)
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, absent.
Sniff, sniff, deux. I feel so lonely without my comments. I am writing into a vacuum of ones and zeros, except that vacuums can't have ones and zeros because vacuums can't have anything, but whatever. I am sad. I hope I do not cry. But I will. Maybe. I might. But probably not. Unless I do.
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, absent.
Sniff, sniff. "There is no U.S. Embassy or Consulate in Liechtenstein. For assistance and information on travel and security in Liechtenstein, U.S. citizens may contact or register at the U.S. Embassy in Bern at the address above."
What kind of country is America not to have an Embassy in Liechtenstein? That is the question I would like answered when I talk to my buddy Dick Cheney.
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, absent.
Someone is way perverted. Way. Oh yes way. "Erotic Mary-Kate and Ashley stories"? Someone found Prinsiana through a Google search for "Erotic Mary-Kate and Ashley stories"? I feel so...dirty. Ugh. I wish I wouldn't have seen that.
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A new number one! Yay, Waterboys. Now when am I going to get a movie that people can freakin' watch as the top of my list?
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Booger. Booger.
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I don't have very much to say today. But I bet you already figured that out.
By the way... The comments have been kinda iffy lately, so if Prinsiana City doesn't allow you to post your answer, e-mail me those lovely solutions.
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, absent.
Quiz questions from my job! 1) (This is simplified from the original problem a bit; number three is almost exactly true-to-life, however.) You are running Paradox 7 on about 10 computers with Windows 95, 98, or ME and one computer with Windows 2000. The 95/98/ME computers have no problems with Paradox, but on the 2000 computers certain databases (Member A.db, HIPAATraining.db, 17Artichokes.db) don't allow you to create a secondary index to filter, while other databases (IndMems.db, HIPAAMan.db, 34Ants.db) do. There doesn't seem to be anything different about the ways the databases were created or structured. Why do some work and not others? [1½ points]
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, 2.
2) Certain computers in my office have names. The first letter of the name signifies where the computer is in the office (all the As are near the back kitchen, all the Bs are in the center area, etc.) My area of the office is the D area, and so there are two extra computers in my office that have names, names given to those computers by moi. What are their names? (Maximum of 5 guesses per person, to start.) [1 point per name]
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, 8.
3) You are scanning in business cards with your CardScan300. It takes five seconds to scan each business card. Each time you save the database, it takes 20 seconds (because you need to create a new database -- it's confusing; just believe me). About every 800th card, the CardScan300 locks up, and you (a) lose all your unsaved work up to that point and (b) have to spend two minutes restarting the computer and the program. You have 1000 cards to scan. To minimize your expected time, how many times should you save your work, and when? (Remember that you have to save your work at the end, too.) [3 points]
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, 2.
4) Come up with a mnemonic device to remember that HIPAA (the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act) is spelled with two As, not two Ps. [1¾ points]
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, 2.
5) My job title is seven words long. What are those words? [¼ points per word]
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, 10.
My old 2002 top ten list.
As Annie and I were discussing, I was able to find my 2002 top ten list from this past February (when I'd seen only one 2002 film and I hadn't liked it):
a) I've seen two of those top ten films (Human Nature and Full Fronta, and neither is gonna make it. Dang.
b) I don't have any clue why I forgot to list P.T. Anderson's Punch-Drunk Love, which I'd stick at...well, actually, why don't I try redoing the list, yes? And put in the current U.S. release dates so I can get all excited, yes?
1) ALL OR NOTHING (Mike Leigh) [October 25th]
2) THE SON (Jean-Pierre Dardenne and Luc Dardenne) [No U.S. release date]
3) WATERBOYS (Shinobu Yaguchi) [No U.S. release date, but ordered on VCD!]
4) PUNCH-DRUNK LOVE (P.T. Anderson) [October 11th]
5) ADAPTATION (Spike Jonze) [December 6th]
6) TIME OUT (Laurent Cantet) [already released]
7) LATE MARRIAGE (Dover Koshashvili) [already released]
8) AFGHAN ALPHABET (Mohsen Makhmalbaf) [seen!]
9) SOLARIS (Steven Soderbergh) [November 27th]
10) SIGNS (M. Night Shyamalan) [seen!]
Arafat and The Lady and the Duke haven't been reviewed too well, and...I don't know, that Gangs of New York trailer is horrible. (The Punch-Drunk Love trailer moved it up a couple notches, though, mostly because Adam Sandler didn't seem all that bad.)
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, 4.
Yeah, so I'm a liar. If you are curious about what movies I will be seeing this weekend, then you could do no worse than taking a look at Tuesday's list and picking at random any other movies. In short:
1)Minority Report is being picked up by the cheap show this week, and Kim wants to see it, so we'll wait 'till she gets back.
2)Possession is coming to Richmond supposedly in two weeks, so I'm not going to bother going up to D.C. to see it, because...
3) ...neither Late Marriage nor Time Out remains in our nation's lovely capital nor its suburbs, and the only other movie that I'm kinda sorta maybe interested in (24 Hour Party People) isn't interesting enough to me to plan a D.C. trip around. I think.
4) Oh, and the C-Ville theater supposedly playing Panic Room sent me the wrong week's schedule, so instead of Panic Room I can watch Brotherhood of the Wolf. Lovely. Stupidheads.
On the upside, I do have a 1996 top ten list now, so it's all good. Next up: 1998 (two to go), 1994 (three to go), 1987 and 1995 (five to go), and 1981, 1989, and 1991 (six to go).
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, 3.
I.Q. Questions: 1) Name the letter that comes next in the following series: A, B, D, E, G, ___
a) H
b) I
c) J
d) K
e) L
2) Name the number that comes next in the following series: 1, 1000, 1000000, ___
a) 1
b) 1000001
c) 1000002
d) 1000003
e) 1000000000
3) Name the number that comes next in the following series: 1, 2, 3, 4, __
a) 5
b) 6
c) 7
d) 27
e) 1923.5
4) Name the element that comes next in the following series: triangle square pentagon
a) hexagon
b) octagon
c) circle
d) three triangles in a row
e) Q
5) Blue is to dark blue as green is to ______.
a) dark green
b) dark purple
c) dark red
d) dark white
e) dark black
6) LIVE is to EVIL as 1600 is to ______.
a) 0016
b) 0061
c) 1609
d) EUNE
e) dark black
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Answers: 1) L (e). Odd elements in the series cycle through every fourth letter -- starting with “A” – while even elements spell out the word “BELLBOTTOMS.”
2) 1 (a). The series is a repeating pattern that cycles through the trio of numbers 1, 1000, 1000000.
3) 27 (d). The nth element equals n4-10n3+35n2-49n+24.
4) Q (e). If the (4n+1)th letter of the alphabet contains only straight lines, then the nth element is a regular polygon with n+2 sides. If the (4n+1)th letter of the alphabet contains a curved line, then the nth element is that (4n+1)th letter.
5) dark purple (b). As “blue” has half as many letters as “dark blue,” so does “green” have half as many letters as “dark purple.”
6) EUNE (d). In the first half of the analogy, LIVE is the first four characters in “live,” and EVIL is the last four characters, reversed, in “live.” In the second half of the analogy, 1600 is the first four characters is “1600 Pennsylvania Avenue,” and EUNE is the last four characters, reversed, in “1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.”
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, 7.
Ketchup. I am quite behind in my 2002 film viewing, so the next seven days will be my opportunity to see a number of newly released films that I've been wanting to see but have yet not. My tentative schedule:
Today: Signs, after bell practice; since I'm nearly alone in believing that Unbreakable was superior to The Sixth Sense, my reaction'll be interesting.
Wednesday: nothing.
Thursday: Minority Report, in what seems to be its last day in Richmond.
Friday: Neil LaBute's Possession, assuming it's released in Richmond; I'd give me being able to see it about a 60/40 shot.
The four-hour Lagaan on DVD.
Saturday: Panic Room at the cheap show in Charlottesville.
Sunday: Late Marriage in D.C., if it's still around.
Time Out in D.C., if it's still around.
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, 3.
There will be something for you to watch, I do hope. It is two o'clock in the morning, Eastern. My editing program is printing out the (very, very changable) final copy of the greatest short film the world has ever known, "Agnes: She Is Missing." It will run a minute and some thirty-odd seconds and will be approximately 13 MB.
The movie is strange, but very very very very very very very very profound. The world shall never be the same, now that it has been freed by my freeing wit and intellegence. Yes, mine. Mine mine mine. Oh baby.
I am a bit loopy right now, yes.
Two points to the best TV Guide synopsis of "Agnes."
Two points to the first person who identifies all the "Special Thanks" people in the credits. (By "identify," I mean tell why they are in the credits, not just type their names out.)
A quarter of a point to the best negative criticism of "Agnes."
Oh, yes. I'm going to stick it here. Try it after three o'clock or so Eastern on Tuesday morning.
---
Three notes from twenty minutes later:
1) Just saw it. There are still about four or five small things I want to fix (a squeak before the ending, etc.), but I like it. I really do. I don't know if I'd like it if someone else had done it, but I can't quite know that now, can I? So. What. Ever.
2) Try 16.1 MB. If people with dial-up connections want a copy, I'll send you one in the mail for free, unless you're in Richmond, in which case I will not mail it to you, sorry, but you can get a copy from me at bells, choir, whatever. You know my e-mail address, no doubt.
3) Good night. I'll no doubt be grumpy in the morning, but I'm happy now. I made a movie!
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
this is comment, one.
Aw, forget it. I love y'all too much. Everyone will be in the closing credits! (Everyone meaning everyone who has posted a comment in the past two weeks.)
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, absent.
What I will do tonight in my six hours without Kim: I will start and finish a one-minute short entitled, "Agnes: She is Missing," with sound, with opening and closing credits, with scene breaks, with poetry, with jump cuts, with humor, with black & white, with color, with me. It will suck, but it will be complete.
It will take up about 15MB, I think, in its VCD form; I'll try to compress it a bit and put it online by tomorrow morning.
You have two-and-a-half hours (until 5:15 p.m. Eastern) to make suggestions. I have a completed script and shooting schedule, but I'll take ideas, particularly relating to (a) sound and (b) random cool visual things. If you have a good idea, you perhaps will make the closing credits.
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, 2.
Ten bits of information I learned or was reminded of on my vacation to Ames, Iowa:
1: There is nothing to eat in Cincinnati Concourse A except chips and hot dogs, despite it having 22 gates.
2: Delta's in-flight magazine, Delta Sky, needs better editors. "[Andersen Corporation] is also, according to Forbes (which ranks the company No. 132 on its 2001 list of the 500 largest private companies), one of the largest private companies in the United States." Thank you for that final clarification, as I oh so did not get the point from the parenthetical.
3: Disc golfly, I am better with the tight, short, tree-heavy holes than with the long, open holes.
4: Ed, Beth-Annie, Kalista, moM, and daD are all lovely game participants. And lovely people, too, I suppose.
5: If you rent a car from Enterprise in Richmond, you cannot drive it west of the Mississippi.
6: I really like dried beef. It would be first in the Hierarchy of Dried Meats.
7: I really like nine-foot ceilings. It would be first in the Hierarchy of Ceilings Nine-Feet-Tall or Shorter.
8: Des Moines has better and more arthouse film choices than Richmond. Ugh.
9: When they say get to the airport an hour ahead of time, sometimes they actually even mean it.
Two weeks late, thematically, but...
Matthew's Emmy Awards!
(I should point out that very few of these shows I watch on a regular basis; I've seen fewer than half of this year's episodes of nearly all of these shows.)
Best drama: "The West Wing"
Best comedy: "King of the Hill"
Best late-night show: "The Late Show with David Letterman"
Best PBS show: "P.O.V."
Best Saturday- or Sunday-morning cartoon: "The Weekenders"
Best show I rarely watch because it's on opposite "The West Wing" but thankfully won't be next year although next year it'll be opposite bell choir practice so whatever: "The Bernie Mac Show"
Best acting in a poorly written show: "Just Shoot Me!"
Best show candidate five years ago that ain't so great anymore: "Law and Order" and "NYPD Blue" (tie)
Most acclaimed show that is so aggressively callous that it is nothing less than infuriating: "Will and Grace"
Best lead actor in a comedy: Topher Grace, "That '70s Show"
Best supporting actor in a comedy:John C. McGinley, "Scrubs"
Best lead actor in a drama: no one, really
Best supporting actor in a drama: Bradley Whitford, "The West Wing"
Best lead actress in a comedy: no one, really
Best supporting actress in a comedy:Ginnifer Goodwin, "Ed"
Best lead actress in a drama: Amy Brenneman, "Judging Amy"
Best supporting actress in a drama: Allison Janney, "The West Wing"
Best occasional actor/actress in a comedy/drama:Chris Eigeman, "Malcolm in the Middle"
Best actor in a comedy/drama so bad that I couldn't bear watching for ten minutes: Eugene Levy, "Greg the Bunny"
Best actress in a comedy/drama so bad that I couldn't bear watching for ten minutes: Sarah Silverman, "Greg the Bunny"
Best episode of any show this season: September 17th's "The Late Show with David Letterman"
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, 6.
You silly, silly optimists. Annie, Annie, Annie. And, Edward, Edward, Edward. After this latest five-week delay from, ahem, "September 24th", will you now join the ranks of the disheartened realists? Or will you prolong your thrashing in this misplaced sanguinity?
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, 2.
Can it be? Another top-ten list? I see that I am only one B+ [high] or higher film away from being able to compile my 1996 top ten list. During an upcoming weekend sans Kimberly, I would like this list to go forth to the world.
These are the 1996 films that have crossed my retinas:
101 Dalmatians (Herek)
Aladdin and the King of Thieves (Stones)
Beavis and Butt-Head Do America (Judge)
Big Night (Scott/Tucci)
The Birdcage (Nichols)
Bottle Rocket (Anderson)
Breaking the Waves (von Trier)
Chungking Express (Kar-wai)
Citizen Ruth (Payne)
The Crucible (Hytner)
Dead Man (Jarmusch)
Down Under the Big Top (Taylor)
Everyone Says I Love You (Allen)
Fargo (Coen)
The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Trousdale/Wise)
Independence Day (Emmerich)
Jerry Maguire (Crowe)
Lone Star (Sayles)
Microcosmos (Nuridsany/Pérennou)
A Moment of Innocence (Makhmalbaf)
Muppet Treasure Island (Henson)
The Nutty Professor (Shadyac)
One Fine Day (Hoffman)
Paradise Lost: The Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills (Berlinger/Sinofsky)
A Perfect Candidate (Cutler/Van Taylor)
Phenomenon (Turteltaub)
Ridicule (Leconte)
Secrets and Lies (Leigh)
Sgt. Bilko (Lynn)
Shine (Hicks)
Sling Blade (Thornton)
A Summer’s Tale (Rohmer)
The Substitute (Mandel)
That Thing You Do! (Hanks)
Tin Cup (Shelton)
Twister (de Bont)
Welcome to the Dollhouse (Solondz)
The White Balloon (Panahi)
And here are some films I'm considering watching:
The English Patient (Anthony Minghella) [Ed, Annie: I know you hate it, but I ought to see it, you know?]
The Frighteners (Peter Jackson)
From the Journals of Jean Seberg (Mark Rappaport)
Goodbye South, Goodbye (Hsiao-hsien Hou)
Land and Freedom (Ken Loach)
Mother (Albert Brooks)
The People vs. Larry Flynt (Milos Forman)
A Single Girl (Benoît Jacquot)
Trainspotting (Danny Boyle)
But none of the films on the second list (except maybe A Single Girl) really excites me in theory, and thus I am accepting nominations for 1996 films to be seen that weekend. Please help.
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, 9.
Um. So I don't know about that screenplay. Maybe I should just film people's eyes or something. I could call it "Eyes." And then I could add some "i"s and some "aye"s and such, and pad it out to three minutes. I dunno.
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"Onions": A poem. Onions are icky.
They make me feel sicky,
Like an abdomen hickey.
---
"Life's unfair, and Ernest Goes to Jail tells us that."1 I hate allergies.
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Arm (me). I haven't thrown a disc in, I believe, a week and a half. It's been too warm. Thus, I'm going to be out of shape for the big Fourth Annual Prins Famile Double-Elimination Disc Golf Tournament of Champions. (Okay, at least a couple of those capitalized words are bound to be true. Right?)
Please be kind. I have written the first half or so of a very bad screenplay that goes from a erudite stuffed pig's thoughts to my poem "saintless." Read it, and tell me if I should (a) keep as is-ish, (b) ditch the pig part, (c) ditch the "saintless" part, or (d) ditch the all part. (If I keep the pig part, it will end with an Oliver V.O. that is interrupted by a small child picking him up and hugging him. Probably.)
Oh, and did I mention: Three-and-one-half points to whomever comes up with the best idea for my film.
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, 7.
I will be the next Mike Leigh, no doubt. I am, no kidding, now the proud owner of a digital video camera.
Okay, so I kid a bit. I am the proud owner of a digital video camera, but it (a) only has a resolution of 320x240ish and (b) must be connected to my computer at all times by a USB cord and (c) has no internal microphone (although the software I have does allow simultaneous sound recording if I plug a microphone into my sound card). On the other hand, it cost me less than $4 after I used my $15 Circuit City gift card, so it's all good. And besides, my movie delivery format will be VCDs, which have a resolution of 320x240ish anyway, so it's all good, uh, still. And I've already shot AVI and MPG footage that looks trés cool. Well, okay, kinda cool, maybe, if you squint enough. One bit of footage is even in high-contrast black and white.
So. In two weekends, I will be directing my first film, entitled, "This Is Where the Title of My First Film Will Go After I Come Up With It." It will a five-minute sobering look into the, um, something. Somolia, maybe. Or my mouth. Please help.
Everyone who helps me will be listed in the credits of the film and will receive a VCD1 of the film sent to them upon its completion.
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1 Most DVD players will play VCDs, so if you have a DVD players, it’s all good2.
2 Have you ever started using a phrase or word in conversation sarcastically/ironically/sillily and then realized, months later, that you were starting to use the phrase or word in a non-sarcastically/ironically/sillily manner because of weeks of monotonous, cyclic usage? Yeah. I do that too much.
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, 3.
A confession. I am not completely sure that my last Matthew Prins' Deus ex machina flash fiction was quite Deus ex machinay enough. It is more ironical1. I am sorry if this has caused any distress.
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1 "Some people find it ironical that although we run a travel agency, we've never been outside of Blaine." A big, whopping quarter-of-a-point to the first person who can name the film that quote is from and follow up with another quote from that film.
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, 6.
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Wheel in a Wheel in a Wheel He was going to be eaten by a sabre-toothed (to be precise, with eight sabre teeth and eight molars) hippopotamus, but then he woke up. "Wow! What a horrible dream!" he thought. But then he noticed the eight lions at the side of his bed, which were already starting to gnaw on his arm, but then he woke up. "Wow! What a horrible dream within a dream!" he thought. But then he noticed the eight-foot-tall black bear in his walk-in closet (the walk-in closet on the left-hand side of the bedroom, not the walk-in closet on the right hand side of the bedroom; nor the smaller walk-in closet in the back of the walk-in closet on the right-hand side of the bedroom; nor the walk-in closet in the back of the bathroom, connected to the bedroom by a doorway in the back of the bedroom; nor the walk-in closet his neighbor had just installed in their swimming pool on the left-hand side [as facing the diving board] of the eight-foot end of the pool), but then he saw the can of black spray paint, and then he knew that his pet eight-foot-tall brown bear had painted himself black as an April Fools' Joke, as today was the first of April, but then he woke up. "Wow! What a..." And then an eight-foot-tall black bear started attacking his feet, and there were no cans of black spray paint around (only eight teal cans, stacked in two four-can columns [side-to-side, not front-to-back] in the smaller walk-in closet in the back of the walk-in closet on the right-hand side of the bedroom), and then he died.
However, even though he was a very bad man, he had a very sympathetic obituary in the April 8th edition of the local paper, because it was that very black bear who was given the assignment to write the obituary by the editor of the paper, and God gave black bears an acute sense of guilt.
Important movie note. You will soon see that I gave a B to Steven Soderbergh's new film, Full Frontal. However, there is not one single person whom I know in a non-virtual way who will like this movie. Not one. Do not watch it. I'm serious. Kim's reaction, which I would characterize as about a C- on my scale, would be typical for Beth-Annie, moM, Von, etc. (Ed might be a bit more lenient, but not much.) Read Ebert's review, okay? That is what you will think of it. (However, you will like the scenes when Catherine Keener is throwing around an inflated globe and telling her underlings to name as many African countries as they...no, wait, that will just convince you to see the film, which you should not, so I am stopping now.)
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, 10.
Catholics to the left, Catholics to the right. In the past four or five days, I have been bombarded with pro-Catholic propaganda. Fine, okay, a lie: Two people -- one real, one non1 -- whom I have never discussed my confused religious situation2 with have talked with me in the past four days about my faith journey and how Catholicism fits in.
So. Here is a two-step program to convert me to Catholicism:
1) Convince me that capital-T Tradition exists and is an acceptable corollary to the Bible. Easiest way to persuade me of that: Show pieces of my faith that are based on the tradition of the Church and not from a straight, literalisticish reading of the Bible, such as a Trinitarian view of God. (Yes, sure, a Trinitarian view of God -- three in one, etc. -- can be inferred from the Bible, but it’s never explicitly stated, I believe; thus, nearly all Christians are taking an important aspect of their faith on what Catholics would consider part of Tradition.) (By the way, I came up with this argument all by myself. Why wasn’t this brought up in Catholic Inquiry? I happen to think it’s a dreadfully persuasive line of reasoning, if only as a starting point.)
2) Convince me that, if there is such a thing as capital-T Tradition, that the Catholic Church’s interpretation of such is the proper one. A proper argument would start with trying to draw an unbroken line from Peter to the Pope that shows a more-or-less uninterrupted chain of command that is dogmatically consistent (or, if not, at least not dogmatically inconsistent) with the Catholic Church’s catechism today. I am not sure where a proper argument would end.
You get those two, and by definition all other problems I have with the Catholic Church (boring ol’ clichéd list: Transubstantiation, loveliness of Mary, etc.) would fall away.
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1 What I mean is one from the real world and one from the fake, Internety world.
2 (This is mostly pilfered from an e-mail I wrote a couple days ago.) I was born and raised in what must have been the most conservative congregation in the third- or fourth-most liberal denomination, the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ). (How conservative? My pastor was a predestinationist, and my youth leaders were big big big on the Rapture.) At age 14, I moved to a college town, where I started attending a relatively liberal church in the CC(DoC) denomination. In college, I attended CC(DoC) churches, Lutheran churches (both Missouri Synod and ELCA), a Baptist church, blah blah blah. So I haven’t really had a home denomination in seven years, even if I have had home churches in the interim.
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, absent.
Yawn. Another day, another 32 unique visitors. Yay?
"Two Paris, France girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside." The Frenchness of Prinsiana City's dates is now to Beth-Annie's specifications. Yay.
All bloggers who would like to steal my French javascript applet, I would be happy to allow.
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, 4.
juillet statistiques. Prinsiana City words, sans dates, footers, and comments: 10,470. (down from 15,390.)
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 5.8. (down from 6.3. ugh.)
passive sentences: 1 percent. (down from 2 percent. that's a good thing, by the way.)
Prinsiana unique visitors per day: 17.0. (up from 12.2. cool.)
Most unique visitors in a day: 29, on July 30th.
Least unique visitors in a day: 7, on July 27th. (weekends are usually bad.)
Most commented-on post: July 10th's Sixpence post, with 17 comments.
Second-most commented-on post: July 23rd's "saintless", with 15 comments.
Number of "like"s: 38.
Number of "sagacious"s: 0.
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
these are comments, absent.
i sincerely do not know what you are doing here. are you lost? were you
looking for your delicate calico cat, and did you follow her up two flights of stairs
to this room? she is not here. she was here, yes. we gave her a warm bowl of milk, we talked with her about campaign finance reform for a time, and then she bid us good day. i believe she was
going to the post office two blocks down, but i don't quite recall.
for surely you did
not find your way from prinsiana, the least traveled site on
the internet. if you did, though, perhaps you are looking for humor. perhaps you are looking for profundity. perhaps you are looking for answers.
i'm sorry, but you shall go naught-for-three.
"On the 13th of January, Nineteen Hundred and Thirty One, right here in New York City, magic happened. An artist was born that would rival Leonardo Da Vinci or Michelangelo. But his tools would not be pen nor brush, nor chisel nor palette; his tools would be his comically oversized glasses and his soul."
