Those who believe in a static universe need only go on vacation. How my small world has changed in one week, from least strange to strangest:
1) Unless they are both lying on their AOL bios, or if they are dating other individuals with the same first names (unlikely, given the oddness of one of their first names), two of my bell ringers are, ahem, b/f and g/f. (Regular readers know that I snub Internet abbrvs. like those, but considering the source of this news, it seemed apropos.) Knowing my lack of acuity in uncovering romantic relationships sans overt PDA, they've probably been together since he was one and she was a fetus, and I just never knew. (Ask Kim about my office's 1999 Christmas Party sometime, or about the married couple at church that I knew for two years before I knew they were "an item," if you can call a long-married couple that still.) But as NBC once loved to say, it's new to me. As an individual event, this isn't particularly exciting -- no offense to Von and Pablo, who no doubt believe that the axis of the Earth now strikes through their romance -- but we're only at the bottom of the pyramid of revolution...
2) I have been scanning my memory to recall the last time we had a new employee at my 12-person office. I'm guessing about nine months ago, perhaps a year for a full-timer. Today, we had three. That's three employees. Three new employees. (I admit it: I just wanted to bold every word.) That's an increase of 25 percent in the four days I was gone. Further, because of this, three other people have changed offices, another rearranged hers, and I am confused as a billygoat in a skyscraper. And yet, that is not the biggest news, because...
3) VON AND PABLO ARE ELOPING IN LAS VEGAS NEXT WEEKEND!!!
4) No, no, that was a lie. I'm so sorry. It's actually the last weekend in July in Newport News.
5) Oh dear. That does not seem right either.
6) I think I have it. MY PARENTS BOUGHT A NEW HOUSE!!!!! (Regular readers know that I snub multiple exclaimation marks like those, but considering the enormity of this news, it seemed apropos.) As the sanitized version of Janice's catchphrase goes: Oh. My. Golly. I have only three or four memories of the first house I ever lived in before we moved out when I was two and a half months old1, and beyond that, they've only lived in two houses for 25 years; they had one in Iowa Falls for about a decade and a half, and their current house in Ames for the last ten. And while they had mentioned potentially moving on a couple occasions recently, it seemed like my dad looking to buy a PT Crusier: fun to think about, but ain't never gonna happen. The first word to my brother, who relayed the news (to my mom's dismay, as she wanted to tell me), was, "What?" and I believe the next three were, "Are you serious?" How cool, though. I can't wait to see it.
7) No, it's late September, and it's somewhere in the Hampton Roads area, but not in Newport News.
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Las predicciones de Mateo: uno por dos
C'mon, though. Who figured the Kings would take them into overtime in game seven?
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1That does not seem right in my opinion.
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
i sincerely do not know what you are doing here. are you lost? were you
looking for your delicate calico cat, and did you follow her up two flights of stairs
to this room? she is not here. she was here, yes. we gave her a warm bowl of milk, we talked with her about campaign finance reform for a time, and then she bid us good day. i believe she was
going to the post office two blocks down, but i don't quite recall.
for surely you did
not find your way from prinsiana, the least traveled site on
the internet. if you did, though, perhaps you are looking for humor. perhaps you are looking for profundity. perhaps you are looking for answers.
i'm sorry, but you shall go naught-for-three.
