Personal, private message to Beth P.: One post does not constitute a journal. If I can write every day, you can write every day.
Personal, private message to Julia R.: You look much more attractive when you smile. Why did you not smile very much in Ocean's Eleven? When you do not smile, I start noticing how weird your face is, and I don't like to notice that. I hope very much your next movie is called The Woman Who Smiled and Smiled and Smiled Until the End of the Movie.
Personal, private message to Mom P.: How can you get a plus 8 on that disc golf course when on my one attempt I got a plus, uh, 18? 19? You must play at the Iowa Games now, you know. Let Dad win for Fathers' Day tomorrow.
Personal, private message to Devon G.: Can you e-mail me directions to your house, and let me know which window leads to your bedroom, and let me know where the diary is in your bedroom, and let me know when you and everyone else in your house will be gone, and let me know how to disable your burglar alarm? This is not for any specific reason. I am just curious. Thanks heaps.
Personal, private message to Tino T.: Okay, I know that Tish K. can sometimes be a little...commanding, but she's really nice, and intelligent, and witty, and I think she's quite cute with those smart-girl specs. You should ask her on a date sometime -- not with Carver D. and Lor N. along, just you two. I think you'd make a cute couple.
Personal, private message to Dad P.: Make sure Mom lets you win at disc golf tomorrow.
Personal, private message to Erika N.: Why am I writing to you? Your computer's not working, and anyway, you can't get on to stupid Prinsiana because of stupid AOL. So never mind.
Personal, private message to Dick C.: I love watching you on those press programs. You are so much cooler than George B. I would like to meet you someday. I am only two hours from Washington, so maybe we could schedule a late breakfast or something. Hope to hear from you soon.
Personal, private message to Paul S.: It was quite unfair last evening that you read Devon's Balderdash slam against me three times, but you only read my same-round Balderdash slam against her once, dismissing it in later read-throughs as "Matt's answer." That goes directly against the freewheeling spirit of the game, and I am certain that Mr. Balderdash would agree with me. I hope that you reread the rules and Mr. Balderdash's biography before our next game night.
Personal, private message to Josh P.: I think that you may be right on the best test for extroversion is not simply attending a party, but one's willingness to initiate conversations with people one doesn't know at that party.
Personal, private message to Aimee M.: In your song "Mr. Harris," are you being sincere in promoting a relationship between a retiree and a woman 30 or more years her younger? I used to think you were being serious, but last time I heard it some of the lines -- "The day I met him he was raking leaves in his tiny yard," "[My mother] tries to tell me a father figure must be what I want" -- seemed to have a subtle Weird Al-ish tint to them. I have no issue with most intergenerational marriages, and the four couples I've known in them seem to have gotten along very well (probably because of the crap they get from others; knowing what's coming, only a couple very secure in its love would go through with it), but I'm confused by the song now, and I know you're originally from Richmond, so maybe you'll help me.
Personal, private message to Kim P.: I cannot believe you won both of the games during our bell choir game night. Has this ever happened before for you? You were on such a roll that we should have played Nerts.
Personal, private message to Richard Q.: Aha! I don't actually know any Richard Q.'s, so whomever you are, you should certainly not be reading a personal, private message to him! You are only supposed to be reading your own personal private message, and just because we are using the honor system here at Prinsiana rather than a secure messaging site doesn't mean that you have any more of a right to read messages posted specifically for others. What type of immoral person are you? I cannot believe the awful thing you have done.
Personal, private message to John P.: I just want to assure you and your chums in Vatican City State that I am not actually the Associate Bishop of the Diocese of Juneau. That is just a joke in my AOL profile. I hope that doesn't cause you all too much confusion. I am actually married, so I couldn't really be an Associate Bishop, and also I am not Catholic, and that could be a problem, too. I think you have that I am a married non-Catholic in your files from when I married Kimberly W., so you can probably look it up and confirm it. My social security number is 515-64-8419, if that helps you. Also, I am sorry about my gay priest post. Please do not tell Jesus to keep me out of heaven.
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
i sincerely do not know what you are doing here. are you lost? were you
looking for your delicate calico cat, and did you follow her up two flights of stairs
to this room? she is not here. she was here, yes. we gave her a warm bowl of milk, we talked with her about campaign finance reform for a time, and then she bid us good day. i believe she was
going to the post office two blocks down, but i don't quite recall.
for surely you did
not find your way from prinsiana, the least traveled site on
the internet. if you did, though, perhaps you are looking for humor. perhaps you are looking for profundity. perhaps you are looking for answers.
i'm sorry, but you shall go naught-for-three.
