I would always like a bud or budette to accompany me in my disc golf outings. The three last times I've been disc golfing with one other person rather than alone (or in a larger group), I have set a personal record for myself at that course. Pablo had been wanting to try out disc golfing, so we went this afternoon; we will not divulge his score (I am not that horrid of a person), but I got a -8, thrashing my old record at Dunncroft by four strokes. I believe I do better because I, um, actually have time to think about shots before taking them, as opposed to during lunch, when I'm mostly trying to finish as quickly as possible.
Please come visit soon, Ed, so I may play with you. Or Von or Lynn, would you like to play with me? Ken? Annette? Dr. Williams? Richard Q.?
---
MeganSweet19f156 has sent me an instant message. How lovely of her. I have been having an influx of new people trying to instant message me! How cool is that? I used to only have three AIM buds -- Von, Lynn, and Pablo -- but now, now I have become a very popular guy!
In fact, strangely, most of these new friends of mine seem to be young women -- turned on, no doubt, by my sexy AOL profile.1 Here are some sample messages they've sent me:
"Hey I've just created a sexy new webpage I'd love for you to check out. Click here baby."
"Hi I've created a erotic new webpage I'd like for you to take a look at. Click here sexy."
"Hola creé un webpage atractivo tengo gusto de tu mirar a. Chasque aquí bebé."
Ahem. Anyway, I was feeling pretty special with all these 18 and 19-year-old chicks -- including a Latina! -- wanting me to go to their websites, even if all their posts seemed eerily similar. But I don't just go to a young lady's website without talking to her a bit. Here's my conversation with the first woman:
MeganSweet19f156: Hey I've just created a sexy new webpage I'd love for you to check out. Click here baby.
mdprins: Hey, that's pretty cool!
mdprins: I've created a webage, too. Would you like to see it?
mdprins: It's neat, I think. It's at www.prinsiana.com.
mdprins: Hello?
mdprins: Are you still around?
mdprins: Just to let you know -- you're probably new here -- when you leave AIM, you should say something like BRB so that people will know you've gone for a bit. I just thought you should know.
mdprins: [Twiddling thumbs.]
mdprins: Hello?
mdprins: It's been 20 minutes, and you're still not back. Did you want to chat with me or not?
mdprins: This isn't very polite, you know.
mdprins: You sounded like a really nice person, too. I thought we could get to know each other, share some thoughts about society, laugh about each other's foibles -- I thought that this could turn into a real friendship.
mdprins: I HATE YOU! YOU SAY, "OH, I'D LOVE TO CHAT WITH YOU, SEXY," BUT DO YOU MEAN IT? NO! I'M CRYING NOW. DID YOU KNOW THAT? YOU'VE MADE ME CRY, AND NOW MY CHEEKS ARE GETTING WET, AND...AND...I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I HATE YOU, AND I AM NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN.
mdprins: I'm...I'm sorry for yelling. It's just that I don't have very many friends, and I thought...you sounded so sincere. You seemed so different than the other young women who have asked me to look at their webpages. They all seemed like ditzes, but you aren't like that. Or you don't seem like that. I think you have a head on those shoulders. Yes, you might be a bit of a flirt, but smart people can be, you know? And I don't mind that. I'm not bothered by that.
mdprins: But, I don't know, maybe you have another friend you're chatting with right now, or maybe a boyfriend. Yeah, maybe you're breaking up with him right now. He's a jerk, you know. Or at least I imagine he is. He just likes you for your body. He doesn't know the real you, not the way that I do. I understand you. I get you. I know you're hurting inside. I can see the pain. Maybe a divorce in your childhood, lots of boyfriends that never treated you right, friends who were always taunting you behind your back? I can see that. Do you think your boyfriend sees that in you? All he sees are those legs on up, stopping at the neck.
mdprins: But who do you choose, huh? Do you choose the nice guy who is smart, just like you, who has real feelings about you, who views you as a person and not a sex object, who has a really connection to you, and don't pretend that you don't feel it too, because I know you do, I know you do. There's something about us -- my heart and your heart, your heart and my heart -- and they're beating together right now, you know. Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump. Don't ignore it. Stop ignoring it. Listen. Listen to your heart.
mdprins: I love you. I've only said that to three other women before, but it's true. I love you. And I know you love me, even if you don't realize it. You will. I know you will. I hope you will. I pray you will.
mdprins: I...I just don't understand you. I don't know why you're not listening to me, or why you are listening to me but not saying one freakin' thing. Stupid passive-aggressiveness -- it's always this, "Are you okay? No really, are you okay? Why aren't you talking if you are okay?" I hate that. I can't stand that. I'm gone. I'm never coming back, you slut. Have your idiot boyfriend with the biceps.
mdprins: Bye.
MeganSweet19f156: hello?
MeganSweet19f156: i really liked some of those things you said, about love and my real feelings. i'd like to talk, if that's okay.
MeganSweet19f156: hello?
MeganSweet19f156: hello?
---
1 This is my actual AOL profile:
Member Name: Associate Bishop Maxwell A. Smith, Diocese of Juneau (Alaska)
Location: Juneau, Alaska, of course
Sex: Male
Marital Status: Married to the Catholic Church
Hobbies: I do a lot of counseling, which I hope does some good. I enjoy doing it. I play bridge with Bishop John, Father Larry and his friend Cynthia every week, and that's fun. I just got a digital camera, and I've taken some fantastic pictures of the Pacific!
Computers: I have one (Dell) in the rectory, one (Gateway) in my church office, and I hope (fingers crossed, praying to God) for an iBook.
Occupation: I am the Associate Bishop for the Diocese of Juneau (Alaska). In that role, I do a lot of paperwork and busywork -- bleah!
Personal Quote: "I am the Lord Thy God. Thou shall have no other Gods before me." That's the first commandment, and every time I hear it, I get chills. Our God is such a great God! I am so glad that he chose me to carry on his word to Alaskans east of Anchorage!
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
i sincerely do not know what you are doing here. are you lost? were you
looking for your delicate calico cat, and did you follow her up two flights of stairs
to this room? she is not here. she was here, yes. we gave her a warm bowl of milk, we talked with her about campaign finance reform for a time, and then she bid us good day. i believe she was
going to the post office two blocks down, but i don't quite recall.
for surely you did
not find your way from prinsiana, the least traveled site on
the internet. if you did, though, perhaps you are looking for humor. perhaps you are looking for profundity. perhaps you are looking for answers.
i'm sorry, but you shall go naught-for-three.
