Hi, my name is Matthew, and I'm an Danielson Famile-aholic.
Hi, Matthew!
Tell us how it all started, Matthew.
It was about four years ago, and there was good press about this band called the Danielson Family. It ended with a "Y," then, not an "E." So I was at a used CD store, and I saw an album of theirs called Tell Another...
Joke at the Ol' Choppin' Block!
Yeah, you guys all know. Um, so yeah, I bought the album, and I listened to the first few songs, and I just found Daniel's voice unbearable: an outré falsetto that couldn't even stay in tune most of the time. It was like listening to the Chipmunks as performed by Kermit the Frog, you know? But then there was that annoying catchy outro to "A No No," the "I love my Lord" bit...
[Singing] I love my Lord, I love my Lord, I love my Lord, I love my Lord. Break it down, now! Love my...
Stop! We are here to break our obsession, not revel in it. Please, Matthew, don't quote any more of the Danielson Famile's lyrics.
I'm sorry.
Please continue.
So, um, so I really started growing attached to that song, and I starting listening to the rest of the album, too. But it wasn't an obsession. I was just a casual listener. I wasn't addicted or nothin'. Lots of people do a little Danielson and are able to control it. I even got Tri-Danielson: Omega and it didn't have much of a physiological effect on me. But...
Yes?
But then I got Fetch the Compass Kids, and that was it. It was kind of like Choppin' Block at first, or at least my reaction was. Kinda cool in places, more annoying falsetto, not as catchy as Choppin' Block. Pretty okay, basically. But then, then, I just, then, I wanted... [sobs]
We all know your pain, Matthew. You can be open with us.
I couldn't stop playing it! I couldn't! I wanted to, and I'd eject it from my CD player, but then I'd want to just hear the Les Mis-esque ending to "Let Us A.B.C.," or hear Daniel sing "gen-er-ay-c-on" in "Sing to the Singer," or the spoken, "Calm down, Dan!"
What?
Calm down, Dan!
What who?
Calm down, Dan!
What who ha?
Stop it!
Stop it!
No, really, I mean stop this! We need to be clean of this music!
I'm...I'm so sorry about starting this again. I didn't mean...but so, okay, so I went to Alaska for a week, and I didn't bring the album with me. And when I got back home, I removed it from my car. But, I mean, in a couple days, I don't know, it was in my car again. I don't know how. I mean, no, that's not true, I do know how, it was me, I did it, I needed to listen to the end of "Who The Hello" again, I needed, I needed it, and it felt so good, so so good, and I know it was wrong, in my heart I know it was wrong, and my wife had heard it so much that she was threatening to leave me, and I wanted to stop, I so wanted to stop, but I needed it, I needed it, I needed it...[sobs]
[All huddle up in a group circle.]
You'll be okay, Matthew. You'll be okay. That's why we are here. We will be your support. We will be your parachute.
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
i sincerely do not know what you are doing here. are you lost? were you
looking for your delicate calico cat, and did you follow her up two flights of stairs
to this room? she is not here. she was here, yes. we gave her a warm bowl of milk, we talked with her about campaign finance reform for a time, and then she bid us good day. i believe she was
going to the post office two blocks down, but i don't quite recall.
for surely you did
not find your way from prinsiana, the least traveled site on
the internet. if you did, though, perhaps you are looking for humor. perhaps you are looking for profundity. perhaps you are looking for answers.
i'm sorry, but you shall go naught-for-three.
