Item! The Kings will beat the Lakers in six. Yes, I'm being serious. Quit laughing. No really, stop it. You're hurting my feelings. May I be candid? The Lakers aren't that good. The Lakers did not win in five because they're a great fourth-quarter team. They won because the Spurs were a horrific fourth-quarter team.
Item! If you are behind a car that has a bald man in the back seat, and the sun is at just the right angle, the shadows from that car's rear defrost can give him what looks like a really hip hairdo.
Item! When I am bald in about 15 years, I will spend all my life in the back seat of a car and barking directions to the driver to put the car in optimum rear-defrost shadow hairdo placement.
Item! They better have a cure for baldness in 15 years.
Item! My feet smell.
Item retraction! No, no, no. It's not my feet. It's my shoes. Is mud supposed to smell? Or did I step in some special, super-smelly mud while trying to birdie the 6th at lunch?
Item retraction semi-retraction! Thinking it over, though, it's entirely possible that my feet may smell, too. Perhaps their smell is just covered up by the more pungent smell of the mud. I don't know. I'll need to take off my shoes and smell my feet alone at home.
Item retraction semi-retraction clarification! When I say alone, I mean both by myself and without my shoes.
Item! My seventh grade study hall teacher sometimes used to put his foot on his desk and cut his toenails during study hall.
Item! My eighth grade study hall teacher used to play Dire Straits every study hall. That was an improvement over watching toenails being cut.
Item! I'm out of items.
oh so lovingly written by
Matthew |
i sincerely do not know what you are doing here. are you lost? were you
looking for your delicate calico cat, and did you follow her up two flights of stairs
to this room? she is not here. she was here, yes. we gave her a warm bowl of milk, we talked with her about campaign finance reform for a time, and then she bid us good day. i believe she was
going to the post office two blocks down, but i don't quite recall.
for surely you did
not find your way from prinsiana, the least traveled site on
the internet. if you did, though, perhaps you are looking for humor. perhaps you are looking for profundity. perhaps you are looking for answers.
i'm sorry, but you shall go naught-for-three.
